Are letters meant for the letterbox?

Are letters meant for the other party, or are they actually meant for your own emotions? Is telling yourself that its meant for the other party just an excuse? Because its to help the other party understand YOU.

(Why do we always want others to understand us? I admit I blog because I want some people to understand that part of me.)

Anyway. Even if they're simple notes to show our appreciation, what's our true intention of letting them know that we care? For the pure intention of making them happy, or to make ourselves secure just to see them happy?

I'm a person who thinks all humans are their own worlds, in the sense that everything we do goes back to what we need FIRST. Selfish?

People do voluntary work because they feel the sense of satisfaction, is helping for the sense of satisfaction the same as the act of helping? In the first place, does helping for the sake of helping even exist since we all think of ourselves first?



Anyway, that's digression. Back to the letters.

Its strange how I always write long letters depicting my true emotions and never send them out. Yet I feel much better after writing them. It feels as though the other party will understand just because I wrote that letter. (even though its left undelivered)

Going back to the point where everything will change when you change your OWN perspective even if the situation remains the same. Maybe its because I'm always all set out to deliver them, get everything planned on how to do that and it feels as though it has all happened already.

Perhaps its in my nature to assume that some people will understand me just because I think I understand them quite abit.



Only had the courage to deliver a few letters last year, and maybe it was because I desperately wanted them to understand me. Opportunities also play a great role in that, like how sending a note during christmas wouldn't be as weird as sending out a random letter.


I must admit I love random letters much more,
I just don't know why I never dare to send them out.

I think we're all afraid of what people might think. Not just what they think of us, but the way they view our friendship. I'm afraid people would think I'm thinking too much or being too sensitive and instead of reading the letter filled with sincerity, they'll just think its dumb.

I never realised it until now. I think I'm afraid of the rejection of my efforts, I'm afraid of being seen as someone who tries too hard even though there isn't a need to, or that they'll shun me after that. (like how some might go "eww omg freaky, I don't even treat her as a close friend yet she's writing all these mushy crap!")

For me, I'm afraid of letting the other party know that our friendship is not mutual. Sometimes they mean more than I mean to them, and I'm afraid of letting them know that. I'm afraid they'll think its dumb of me to do so, and its best left unknown in case they get annoyed by me or freaked out.

At other times, I mean more to them than they mean to me. Somehow, I'm never afraid to show that because I'd show it if I don't want to be so close. But if I want to, I'll go all out for it so that it'll be mutual.

Typing the previous paragraph just made me sound really selfish.



The feeling of having somebody important to you (yet it isn't mutual) sucks, but holding on to that hope that things will change someday allows you to discover all sorts of ways in which you can show your appreciation towards others and see how far a friendship can be stretched.

I believe hope can drive us to do all sorts of nice things to others to bring that friendship to a higher level. Ironically, I always fail to take the first step because of the fear of letting them know they mean more to me than I mean to them (or am I just being pessimistic?)


Sometimes, I think I don't understand myself more than others understand themselves. I don't even think I reflect enough. Even though I say I've got complex thoughts, I think they're not that complex sometimes. I think I'm just able to be honest with myself. At least I try to.

Yeah, one should ALWAYS be honest with herself.